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Sometimes its better not to love

03 Dec

It has been my policy to do what I think is right. I review my life often and I am proud to say at the end of the review I smile. This does not mean I am always happy, I have fallen into really bad times, I never anticipated I would come out of those black holes, but life is always magical. Though I don’t believe in God, some light had shone upon me, some one, a complete stranger(s) who I have met in completely unknown places have given me best advice I have ever heard. Those strangers gave me food, shelter and drink.

Well why am I writing all this? Its because I am in a black hole now. I am avoiding my clients, unable to eat properly, having sleepless nights and just one thought pops in. Thats the thought of a girl from Orissa who I met. And this thought is killing me. I am in a fuzzy state, unable to determine weather my love will be accepted or rejected, its one of the most painful phases a man goes through his life and this phase is what I call black hole. You are helpless, powerless to read another persons mind, yet knowing that you have nothing you crave to have everything.

Curse evolution. Love is nothing but an evolutionary glitch. If all living reproduced like bacteria, there would be no man, no woman, no adam, no eve and no forbidden apple. Yet there had been a glitch, complex systems evolved and finally it gave rise to man, one of the most perfect, yet one of the most logically stupid thing that has appeared on this universe.

Want to know how stupid. Just few days ago, I was explaining to some programmers about the value of the saying “Nothing is constant” and “Everything is meaningless”. Technically such a rock solid mind should not fall. But here when I met a pretty and honest women, I discover my logial system is not build with iron, but with styrofoam.   Can’t stop wondering at the evolutionary flaw I inherit.

Its when you are in a black hole strange things happen. You are pulled down by your own mind which is terribly stunned by meeting a woman, and on the other hand opportunities knock. Your client appreciates you, tells you to perform more. A stupid client starts bugging you. Opportunities for business knock. Yet that women comes before your eyes and your brain labels her as “the best”. Your neural circuits are looped around her and even before you realize you are paralyzed and walking dead. What a stupid unguided design called evolution has produced.

I only wish God really exists. Nothing else to say.

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Posted by on December 3, 2010 in Personal, Philosophy

 

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